guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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