I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
