Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
