the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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