Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
