Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
