if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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