last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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