he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
