She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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