This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
