Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
