I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
