I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
