he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize