If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
