i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
pray to the hookup gods
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
