She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
