I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
