I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's official drugs can't kill me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
