Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
