the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize