He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
