I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
