one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
