oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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