And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We need to get me chipped asap
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
