so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
