I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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