I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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