your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
