I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
