So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
