butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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