If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
