At least make sure they are 18
Why
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
