Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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