Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
