I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
