He kissed a someone with a penis
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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