it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
