dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
