He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
