wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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