Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
