Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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