Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
