I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
