Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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