i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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