Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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