I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he just fucked me for my cheese.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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