someone threw a dead crab at me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Randomize
