No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
