I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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