I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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