Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
