Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
