that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
