Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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