she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
