You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
