Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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