Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This baby is an asshole
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
