I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
