I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i out mim tonsoeep
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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