you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
