Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
