Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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