How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
