the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
