somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
