Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
