I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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