I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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