Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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