you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
