We won't sleep together?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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