2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
