Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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