Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
