I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
