If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Found the puke drawer
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
