I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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